


Safety in Coffee

by AltheaShepard



Series: It's alright [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Curtis think he's cute, Getting Together, M/M, Oblivious Shiro (Voltron), Shiro is a cinnamon roll, dating but not dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 08:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltheaShepard/pseuds/AltheaShepard
Summary: Shiro is oblivious and Curtis is a sweetheart.A more introspective look on how they got together.





	Safety in Coffee

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my take on how Curtis and Shiro actually got together since we didn't get any kind of explanation. Purely self indulgent on my part though I hope you all enjoy! Thank you!

Curtis knew how he took his coffee. 

 

The realization slapped him in the face so hard he was left blinking at the mug hovering in front of his face. Creamy sweetness with just the barest hint of bitter sat on the back of his tongue, not invasive, just there. Adam could never get it right and always claimed that he changed his mind as he was fixing a cup so trying to guess was pointless. None of the paladins ever tried, coffee never being readily available in space. A substitute, sure, but that was a nightmare to try and make palatable. 

 

But Curtis had figured it out. And with that realization came another.

 

He’d figured it out a while ago.

 

Weeks ago.

 

They’d been eating breakfast together for months and if Curtis beat him to the cafeteria he always had a mug ready for him. As well as a tray. The same thing with dinner but the coffee was fixed slightly differently, sweeter, creamier, more for relaxing than waking up.

 

Months. 

 

And late at night like this when he sat pouring over data pads and determining which sectors needed attention and which could honestly wait, the coffee was lukewarm and thick, making him think of the bed in the corner of the room he should be curling into. The bed that might be, was, big enough for two people. A handful of nights spent pouring over similar reports back when things were a bit more frantic led to one of them being too tired to move and eventually curling up on that bed and getting some much needed rest. Rest he felt safe enough to indulge in with another person beside him.

 

He hadn’t felt that way in a very, very long time. 

 

Adam had made him feel safe when things between them were good. When they were stable. When they went to bed happy and content more often than angry and not speaking. Then he couldn’t share the bed and always went to sleep on the couch, too keyed up and jittery to get any actual sleep beside his partner. Fights were often caused by doing something even remotely reckless and would provoke Adam into trying to cage him, hold him to the ground and argue with him, honestly trying to protect him but not seeing how much trying to put a leash on him was choking him. 

 

Curtis had seen him do some reckless things since the launch of the Atlas, had heard him give lectures on knowing one’s limits and then turning around and doing the thing he’d told others not to do. Hell, Curtis had sometimes completely disregarded whatever Shiro said and done the reckless thing himself.

 

The difference between the two was that Adam, protective, feisty, fiercely intelligent, handsome, short tempered Adam, wanted to keep Shiro grounded and within sight at all times. He’d wanted a life together, a partnership, wanted to teach the next generation right alongside him. But he had never felt the need to fly like Shiro had. Adam was a trained fighter pilot and could handle a jet no problem. But he always handled it with procedure and never took to playing with the machine. He’d never taken the risk of a higher speed, a sharper turn or dive. He hadn’t seen the need to unless it made him one second faster than someone trying to shoot him down. Adam liked to stay safe and wanted to keep Shiro safe. 

 

But Shiro needed to fly. He needed speed and challenge like he needed the air in his lungs and the blood in his veins. He could never deny that. Adam could never understand that. And Shiro could never blame him for not understanding. 

 

Curtis, though, understood. At least he thought he did. Meetings on figuring out their next move involved a lot of people, a lot of information, a lot of differing opinions. Ultimately, Shiro made the final call and he took in as many factors as he could to make the right decision. Some of those decisions were reckless, even downright stupid, often caused when Shiro got fed up with listening to people descend into a cyclical argument and just picked something on the fly. Where Adam would have flat out said no, would have called him out and said he was being impulsive like he always warned Keith not to be, Curtis would break in before he could grab something out of the proverbial hat and offer a suggestion to make the decision somewhat less stupid, a little less reckless. 

 

He let Shiro fly without a leash and expected him to come back. Just last week Shiro had decided it’d be a great idea to let a skalaxian challenge him to a duel to settle a dispute. Adam would have protested, seeing the seven foot tall, gangly limbed alien as a threat Shiro couldn’t handle and Shiro would have pushed back and done it anyway. Curtis had stood to the side, offered a single eye roll as his thought on the matter and held out a hand for Shiro’s uniform jacket. 

 

After, Curtis had dabbed blood off his forehead and called him an idiot, congratulating him in the same breath and asking how he’d managed to twist around those long limbs and actually pin the larger alien. 

 

Adam would have just called him an idiot and sulked. 

 

Despite that knowledge though, Shiro knew he had truly loved Adam. Perhaps not as well as he should have but he had loved him. He wished he could tell him that one more time, make it clear that his love for Curtis wasn’t replacing his love for Adam. It would always be there and he’d look back at the good memories with fondness and learn from his mistakes and thank Adam silently for what he’d learned. Curtis wasn’t a replacement for Adam. Just a new chapter unfurling before him that he wanted to explore with every fiber of his being. 

 

He hadn’t felt this excited and scared in a long time. And he hadn’t felt this safe in wanting to explore what could be with Curtis… ever.

 

“Did you drug the coffee?”

 

Curtis paused at the door, Shiro belatedly realizing that he’d asked that question out loud and suddenly he was back in his quarters, at his desk, staring at data pads and a confused/amused Curtis who’d just brought him a perfectly made cup of coffee.

 

“I just put cream and sugar in it like I usually do. Why?” Curtis answered, eyes narrowing a touch as he looked the Captain over.

 

Shiro stared at him looking utterly shocked, eyes wide and hand curled around said mug. He looked like he’d just discovered something that turned his world upside down and Curtis couldn’t help the amusement bubbling up in his chest. 

 

“I… I just…. Are we dating?”

 

The question was asked with the absolute perfect blend of panic, confusion and someone having a holy epiphany dropped like a twenty ton anvil right on their head. He really should be mad, at least a little, but the expression on Shiro’s face was just so perfect that he couldn’t help bursting out laughing. Clutching his sides, Curtis leaned against the wall by the door, near howling with laughter. Shiro just looked more confused and even more panicked and Curtis tried to stop laughing, he really did, but the wary glance at the coffee and the slow move to set it aside just bent him double and he had to concentrate on trying to breath through the laughter.

 

Minutes later he managed to pull himself together enough to make his way over to the desk, push Shiro’s chair back enough to wedge himself between the Captain and said desk and cup the poor man’s face between his hands. The other man still looked confused, clearly analyzing the last few months of their interactions and realizing what the evidence pointed to.

 

Yes, Curtis had learned to read his mood and how to make his coffee based on said mood.

 

Yes, Curtis had learned that Shiro could be persuaded not to do something stupid so long as you didn’t outright tell him no. No just led to him doing it anyway to prove a point. 

 

Curtis had also learned that Shiro hardly ever felt truly safe. Watching him around the other paladins he had seen some of the starch eek out of his spine bit by bit, seen him trust the others at his back whereas he tensed if one of the crew passed behind him. He learned that Shiro kept aware of things happening out of the corner of his eye, learned how that stare felt as the Captain watched him on the bridge, in the gym, in the meeting room, in the cafeteria. He let that stare pin him at first, unsure what it meant and why the other man was staring at him so intently. And then he let it wash over him, learned to open his body language to Shiro so he knew what to expect from him. 

 

It wasn’t a hard thing for him. He wanted Shiro’s trust, wanted to be included in that inner circle with the paladins, the people Shiro called family. Not out of some weird feeling of hero worship, though there was a good touch of that he wouldn’t lie. And not out of some want of blackmail material or a way to manipulate Shiro into giving him an easier life. No. Curtis wanted Shiro’s trust because the man deserved his own in return. He deserved his respect, his time, his support, anything Curtis could give him. Shiro and the paladins had given so much for so long without them knowing and then nearly sacrificed themselves freeing earth and, in Allura’s case, saving all of reality as they knew it and every iteration they didn’t, that Curtis couldn’t help but want to return the favor in some way, make Shiro feel as safe as he and the others had made Curtis. 

 

He didn’t intend to fall for the man and he didn’t intend to fall that hard that damn fast. At first, he was content just staying by Shiro’s side and making himself useful, offering Shiro a support to lean on if he needed it, another set of hands or eyes, another brain to process the sheer mountain that was helping to heal the damage wrought upon the universe. But then he’d gone and fallen asleep late one night on Shiro’s bed of all places and found himself tucked back against the slumbering Captain the next morning. The second time it happened Curtis vowed to get a damn nap before going to help sort through reports. And that helped more than he thought it would, gave him an extra boost to really sort through the chaos.

 

The third time, though, was when Shiro fell asleep on him. He’d been rambling on about something, he couldn’t remember what now, and had looked up to ask Shiro’s opinion only to see the man with his head propped on a fist, eyes closed and breathing deep, clearly asleep. He’d sat there gobsmacked for a full minute before shaking himself out of it and carefully maneuvering around to try and get the man to bed. The second shock of that night was when Shiro allowed Curtis’s prodding and leaned against him to take the dozen or so steps to his bed. The third was Shiro tumbling onto the bed and taking Curtis with him, immediately wrapping around him and planting his head on Curtis’s chest, effectively pinning him until he deigned to let him up.

 

Curtis had cornered Hunk the next morning when he managed to slip free and ask him. 

 

Safe. Hunk, and later Keith, had said that Shiro must have felt safe around him to fall asleep in the first place and to sleep that hard? Keith briefly accused him of drugging Shiro but he cleared that up quickly with a single horrified look. 

 

That was when he truly fell and he said as much to the other two. Keith had sighed and rubbed his hands over his face.

 

“This is going to sound really weird coming from me,” Keith started.

 

“Is it relationship advice? Oh man it is isn’t it! Oh that is weird! That’s so weird! But, you know, accurate because you know Shiro so well. But so weird!”

 

Keith just huffed, shooting Hunk a look before turning back to Curtis.

 

“From the few civil conversations I had with Adam and a couple with Lance and Pidge, Shiro is oblivious to anything involving romance. He’s fine once he’s in it but actually realizing he’s in it or that he feels it? You’d have to basically beat him in the face with a brick before he even gets a tiny clue. You’ll probably start acting like a couple before he even realizes you are one.”

 

That. Was. Scarily. True.

 

Curtis had only hoped to earn a portion of Shiro’s trust, maybe even call the other man a friend. He kept his feelings to himself after that talk but it didn’t seem to matter. Off duty, Shiro started catching his hand to get his attention, curling an arm around his shoulder when they were talking in the lounge, letting his feet knock against Curtis’s under the table at meals. Those silvery eyes always seemed to search him out in a crowded room, some tiny bit of tension easing from his shoulders once he was spotted. 

 

He was able to walk up behind him without Shiro tensing as if expecting a blow. 

 

He was able to lean over him and not get his teeth knocked in by a headbutt. 

 

Shiro started to really feel safe with him. 

 

Curtis knew the casual touching was common between the paladins, they were family for christ sakes but familial touches didn’t linger the way Shiro’s did with him. Shiro didn’t hold onto his hand after catching up to him in the hall because he thought of him as family. Keith was his brother in everything but blood and he never did that with him, never leaned into his space so they were practically sharing body heat. Curtis wasn’t dumb. He had been watching Shiro as much as Shiro had been watching him. 

 

But it never came up in conversation. A year of working himself up to casual acquaintance, a year of just getting close enough to call a friend and four months of being a couple without even talking about it. The emotional connection was there. The mental connection was there. The physical they’d need to talk about. 

 

And as Curtis came up for air from his own recollection, staring into those frightened, hopeful silver eyes, he realized this was the time for that conversation.

 

All because of a cup of late night coffee.

 

“Unofficially,” he started, voice fond, thumbs sweeping over those high cheekbones. “We’ve been dating about four months. Since you felt safe enough to fall asleep when I was still awake.”

 

“Safe…?” Shiro sounded stunned.

 

The amusement in Curtis’s smile gentled, his hand shifting to cup Shiro’s neck, thumbs brushing against his jaw. Shiro didn’t even tense at the light grip.

 

“Safe. Safe enough to sleep around me. Safe enough to let me walk up behind you. Safe enough to make your coffee for you….. Safe enough to let my hands be on your neck.”

 

He felt the breath Shiro took in, felt the muscles tense briefly under his hands and relax just as quickly. The confusion was clearing, being replaced with amazement. The fear was still there, lurking in the corners of his eyes, hope clinging just as tightly, silently begging for this to be real. 

 

Curtis kept his voice low, only loud enough for Shiro to hear. This moment was a careful one, one for them, and he desperately didn’t want to ruin it. 

 

“This is going to sound creepy, but since everything happened with Allura and Honerva, I’ve been watching you. I wanted to know how to help you but outright asking would have you telling me things were fine and that you were handling everything ok. You’re the type of person to keep your burdens your own, to keep the pain you feel to yourself even when others around you are crying for the same reason. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s why people see you as a pillar to lean on when they need it. But even pillars need support. So I watched you to see what I could do to support you, to give you back a fraction of what you give everyone else. 

 

It took a while. I learned you like routine but you like a little spontaneity. You like boundaries but you let people push them when you need them to. Telling you ‘No’ just makes you say ‘Challenge accepted’ just to prove the other person wrong. The paladins and Coran are like family to you, anchors that keep you grounded. Seeing them hurting in anyway hurts you. And you’re so proud of them, Shiro. Anytime they do something you’re so proud, so happy to be around them, so happy to even say their names. You want what’s best for everyone in the crew, arranging things to keep morale up and just saying ‘hi’ to people in the halls. 

 

And you never think about yourself, never take time to do something for you. You don’t… you don’t think you deserve the same consideration you give everyone else.”

 

Tread carefully, Curtis, tread very carefully.

 

“Sometimes, I watch you watch everyone else and you have this sad little smile on your face. You hide it well but I’ve learned what to look for. You miss the paladins, you miss the lions, you miss being part of a smaller team. You want to keep going because you do love helping people but on the other hand, you want someone to tell you it’s ok to take a step back, to take a break, that you don’t have to fight and break yourself open for a while. That it’s ok to rest and let someone else carry the load. But you also haven’t felt safe enough to let someone take the burden from you. There’s always something around the corner waiting to jump you so you have to be on high alert all the time. Murphy’s law is just waiting to trip you up again, waiting to take something else from you. Safety is a word for everyone else. But not for you.

 

So when you fell asleep in front of me, when I was still talking and you were the first one to fall asleep…. When you stayed asleep when I got up in the morning…. That’s when I figured that we started dating. I hope I’m not wrong. I hope I make you feel safe…. I really hope that’s what that meant. And I really hope all this rambling makes some kind of sense to you because it makes little sense to me.”

 

Curtis smiled down at him, noting the knot in his throat and the slight burning in his eyes. Shiro saw it, saw his adam’s apple bob when he swallowed, saw the sheen of his eyes and the hopeful smile on his face. He let the words wash over him, through him, seep into his heart and mind and realized, with a soft ringing clarity that it was true. 

 

Safety wasn’t a word Shiro associated with his life. It was a word other people had, a word other people used. Shiro hadn’t felt truly safe since his resurrection, always expecting something to reach out and snatch him away from his family. There was always a slither of anxiety under his skin leaving him restless despite his outward calm, keeping him moving, keeping him thinking, struggling to stay one step ahead so he was never caught flat footed again. It had calmed greatly over the past two and a half years, seeing peace spreading through the universe, not needing to fight every other day just to survive. That anxiety still crept through his veins, still made him case the room no matter who was in it, made him wary of anyone coming up behind him.

 

It had him study the step patterns of the crew so that he had at least some idea of who was around him even if he wasn’t looking at them directly. It likely would always be with him, always just there ready to make him a jittery mess when he was alone, keeping him up at night and making him second guess himself. 

 

But. 

 

That study of step patterns let him memorize the paladins, Coran’s, he still remembered Allura’s and likely always would. It let him memorize Curtis so that the man could come up behind him and not send his heart racing to escape his chest. From there he could memorize the man’s aftershave, feel his presence and the weight of his gaze. That anxiety, as much as he hated it, did lead to him slotting Curtis into the same category as the rest of his family.

 

Safe. Curtis was safe. Safe for him. Safe for him to lean on, safe to sleep around, safe to talk to, safe to walk away form and come back to.

 

Safe. 

 

Warm. His hands were so warm, long fingered and strong. He didn’t even realize he’d closed his eyes, didn’t realize tears were rolling slow and heavy down his cheeks until Curtis’s thumbs were sweeping gently across his eyelashes to brush them away. There was a question in that touch, a hesitancy. He swallowed, flesh hand shaking as he raised it to Curtis’s hand, prosthetic marginally more steady as he curled it around the other.

 

“You’re right,”

 

Curtis doesn’t comment on the raspiness of his voice, just leans forward to press his forehead to Shiro’s, their breath mingling together between them. Shiro feels himself relax, feels something in his chest unfurl and he has to swallow again, nearly chokes at how hard a task that is. Curtis’s fingers curl around the back his head, knitting together at the base of his skull, tangling a little in his hair. The chair creaks under them and Curtis is in his lap, his nose pressed between the man’s collarbones, inhaling his scent through brief moments when he isn’t crying. Curtis doesn’t comment, doesn’t ask, can likely tell, just curls himself around Shiro as though to shield him from the outside world. It should shock him how easily the other man can read him but listening to him explain it, listening to him lay out what he’s learned, shock doesn’t have a place in him. 

 

He doesn’t know how long they sit there but he’s vaguely aware that at some point Curtis had been crying too. Now though there’s a smile pressed against his temple and warm arms around his shoulders, keeping him tucked down against him. His own arms are around Curtis’s waist, thumb absently stroking his side. For the first time in a long, long, LONG time, Shiro’s thoughts are quiet, slipping slowly through his mind. Curtis smells like something woodsy. He’s warm, solid. His fingers feel divine rubbing along his scalp, skin soft as he nuzzles his neck, brushing a faint kiss against his collarbone as he draws back just a touch.

 

Curtis lets him pull back, touch lingering, staying curled in his lap. He doesn’t go far, smiles down at him with so much warmth he isn’t sure what to do with it all. There’s a question in his eyes, a brief glance at his lips and a tiny head tilt. Then he’s leaning forward and his eyes are closing again and the kiss is so soft, so sweet, so warm. They just sit there, lips brushing, sharing breath and it’s the most at peace Shiro has ever felt. 

 

“Does this mean that I can take you on a proper date the next time we’re on Earth?”

 

And like that the spell is broken and now Shiro is the one laughing himself sick. Curtis just grins down at him, kissing the smile off his face and letting Shiro laugh against his mouth. 

 

Eventually they get up, clean their faces and Shiro doesn’t even have to ask, shaking his head when Curtis just pulls out a pair of sleep clothes from the trunk at the end of Shiro’s bed. They don’t get a lot of sleep that night but what they do manage they get curled around each other with Shiro’s back to the wall and Curtis’s to the door, one of Curtis’s hands buried in Shiro’s hair and Shiro’s hand braced against Curtis’s back.

 

It’s the best night’s sleep either of them have ever had.


End file.
